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Animated poly

October 2008

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contradictacat in askpoly

(Xposted to polyamory)

Hi, longtime lurker, first time poster, etc etc... I have a question about a good-idea/bad-idea.

There's a guy I met through an online dating site a few weeks back (met him before, but that's immaterial) and started talking to him. His profile at the time said "single", but after talking to a mutual friend, I discovered that he was, in fact, in a relationship and monogamous. Of course, this only comes after I've thought myself into a bit of a crush on him. We get along online quite well, but I can't quite tell if there's a flirting undertone to his conversation or if he's just being really warm. I don't want to do the thing where poly people disassociate themselves from mono people because they're not on the market, but I also have no idea what he's thinking and if it's a good idea to keep talking to him/ hang out with him.

Help? thank you!


Ask him. It's the only way to know. And if he is crushing too, I'm afraid you will have to nip it in the bud until he is available. Or until his partner becomes acceoting of opening their relationship(not likely).
does the site in question have other options for listing relationship status?

it could be that even tho he's in a relationship, he's poly and listing as 'single' was the only way to show that indeed he is "available" to an extent (as opposed to being taken/unavailable).

In your conversations has he stated that he was single or are you solely going from the info on his profile? If he is in a relationship and monogamous, then there could be problems as he's not being completely honest.

The best thing to do is talk to him, ask him. Cause we're not gonna be able to answer the whys and wherefores of what's going on.
I've always found that asking the person whatever it is I want to know about him is the quickest, and most accurate, method for discovering the answer.