Hey there were alot of replies to that last entry, and it reminded me of what happened the early part of January of this year. It really changed everything for me.
My husband and I (married only a year so far) were dabbling at the local swingers club and considering non-monogamy as a lifestyle. He was not as "into" it as I was. I had encouraged him to read both "The Ethical Slut" and "Polyamory, a new love without limits" and both I KNOW he just leafed through and called it reading. There was another couple that was particularly interested in a relationship with us, I really dug the guy but the girl and I were just so different, and there was a significant age gap between us. My husband and I set up 2 pretty simple rules. When it happens, no sex on our bed wihtout each other there, (symbolic?) and ABSOLUTE condom usage.
Needless to say, in our small one bedroom apartment, the other guy and I got the short couch, we were all fooling around and the other guy and I announced we should all move this to the bedroom. We went on there, thinking they were going to join us.....but they didn't. They ALSO didn't come into the room to get a condom. And I left our room to bring one out to them and bring them into the bedroom....but it was too late, they were barebacking already.
I didn't even react. I just went back into our bedroom and started talking with the other guy about it. He said he and his wife always use condoms with other people and he didn't understand why this would happen. I didn't talk about it with everyone or tell the girl how I felt. But after they left, I broke down.
My husband used the excuse "Well you went into the bedroom, and that was a rule too, so we both broke a rule." Which is OBVIOUSLY NOT THE SAME . We had invited them to the bedroom. Also, I didn't want to freak out so that he wouldn't want to be open again, because I had been working so hard to get him open to the idea of this, I didn't want him thinking this was a JEALOUSY issue. How do I get closure on something like this? How can I feel satisfied with his level of sorry?
I haven't talked much more about it, because no matter what he will never feel as sorry I want him to feel. Fluid bonding is a big deal to me, and how can I ever trust that he won't get "caught up in the moment" again. Like he did the very first time we tried something like that. I really feel like our sex life hasn't been the same since. He didn't even take the responsibility to get tested afterwards. Also, afterwards, without ever telling anyone about our experience, I had heard rumours that this girl was trying to get pregnant from other people because her partner had a low sperm count.
Anyways, NOW my husband is bringing up that he feels ready to have more partners, but I am still not over this, and I dont think we are mature enough....or that he can use his brain.
Sorry that I had to post my own UPS post but I didn't think this constituted as a good reply to the last, but also, had to get out some pent up rage..